Obstinate behaviour @ Workplace

I recently answered a question on obstinate behaviour at workplace.

I am putting it up here for your views....

Thanks to Sandeep Sood who brought to fore a common behaviour trait, one that we encounter and look the other way.

Obstinate behaviour at work place? Have you ever faced an obstinate boss or are you an obstinate boss yourself?

"Yes i have had occasions to deal with obstinate bosses / peers and subordinates as well throughout. But it really depends on how we view obstinate.. Obstinate can be defined as someone who is fixed, determined and persistent, I found some of the people in the know of things. knew the outcome they desired and the standards the

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y expected. Therefore they shared that drive and desire and instilled in their teams the same passion for Superior execution; and ensured that all worked towards that outcome. They were FIXED in their standards of expectations but FLEXIBLE in their terms of engagement.

In obstinate, dogged subordinates i have found my greatest source of alternate ways of doing things and challengers of status-quo and I have nurtured them to a fault!!

However, when it came to dealing with obstinate people, where obstinate was defined as Pig Headed, Adamant, Unmoved, Inflexible, I found myself getting increasingly de-energised and resolved to keep the interactions to the minimum. The key difference between the former obstinate and latter was that in the former case we could argue about ideas, processes, etc and come away richer from the argument. In the latter case however, a conflict of ideas or approach would invariably lead to personality clashes and leave the process, relationship and the organisation in a lose, lose situation.

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Robert Stuttton who is a professor at Stanford and has

written a book titled The No As@#$%*&le rule, where he lists the latter type of behaviours.. it's an interesting read and gives great insight into why there are so many of them 'infesting' the workplace. In fact bad behaviour beyond just plain OBSTINATE is fairly common at work place as found in a study conducted by Robert Stutton with McKinsey: reports that one firm found the Total cost of a Jerk (TCJ) to be US $ 160,000 annually. (http://www.thebizofcoding.com/2007/05/no-jerks-at-workplace/). Unwarranted unabated Obstinate behaviour causes disengaged and de-energised workplace and can cause talent erosion.

Most of these 'bullying' type behaviours are encountered in a boss subordinate type relationship at workplace and hence it may be good enough to be able to have 'coping' mechanisms around these. Humour, Having a support group of colleagues, powerful mentors to help you manage the situations may be some of the coping tactics.

However on a long term basis it has to be a top down influence that

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will clamp down such behaviour. If the company has robust HR practices then such behaviour becomes easier to identify and capture. Post which the concerned manager needs to be coached and monitored on an on going basis to improve the non value adding traits.”

despair must give way to action

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This was on auto print and should have got posted on 19 April.  I don't know why it did not.  Anyway, i still think the points are relevant and therefore am posting it now

I am thinking what's the point of latent anger. When a heinous crime takes place we have to hit back where it hurts. What is the biggest weapon a rapist uses after the rape is long over? Emotional and mental degradation. We need to turn the table now. We need to make sure that it is the abuser and not the abused who is shamed. How can we as a society do that?

1. Let us spread the names of the accused and their pictures through all sources on the net

2. Let us flood the newspapers with mails and put pressure to have these 'students' suspended from their colleges till the matter is being investigated

Another weapon that the accused will use will be to exploit the justice system and keep the case in abeyance till it fades from the public memory. let us fight that. The accused belong to business families right? Then let us find out what businesses their families run and call for a ban on the products or services that they offer. Do that till the decision is delivered.

Any other ideas? Let us give it back.  Here are my suggestions:

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1. find out the missing details and fill them in

2. spread the word by forwarding this message

3. add to it by writing on your blogs and mails

Let this reach a cresecendo. make sure they don't get away with it.

Rage and despair

The newspapers reported yesterday about an American Indian girl who was raped by

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6 of her ‘friends’. They mixed something in her drinks and she passed out. I felt great anguish and pain for the ‘victim’ and a greater sense of anger at the world and society at large because something like this happened again. Such betrayal.

This morning the newspapers reported the statements of 3 of the accused that have been caught so far. They said “we did not think she will complain. We did not therefore threaten her to leave town. We gave her emergency contraceptive pill….” My pain and anguish changed to rage and despair. The audacity of the guys… they felt no remorse, no guilt!!!

As I was mulling over this it occurred to me that they were emboldened because they thought they had gotten away with it. And it occurred to me that this is how perpetrators and habitual offenders are created…. Not just in rape but in life, in society.

When we don’t complain, when we don’t stand up against the bully in school,

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when we don’t stand our ground against a rude boss, when we accept an abusive relationship as our destiny, when we look the other way in domestic violence. When we don’t speak up and be heard, we disempower ourselves and make the other person more powerful. When we choose to be victims through our silence we create a perpetrator who will strike again.

Ours is a society and culture that has made a virtue out of Un-questioned acceptance of events as ‘kismet’, fate. We forgive we don’t fight back we say “chalta hai” (it’s ok, shit happens). And yet there are a few, who have not given in, a few people who have stood up and fought back.

People like Neelam Katara who soldiers on in her fight for her murdered son, Kavi

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ta Gadgil who fought to restore the honour of her dead fighter pilot son, Jessica lalls sister who fought for justice for her murdered sister, the old mother who continues to fight Shibu Soren, Priyadarshini Mattu rape and murder, Aman Kachru ragging death… these are cases when people stood up and found supporters, these are people who asked questions and did not relent till the answers were found, justice was done. These are ordinary people who are doing out-of the -orninary things in life. They are not just taking it on the Chin but giving it back.

There is a new India out there, an India that throws shoes at political leaders when they field tainted candidates, they send pink chaddies(panties) to protest unwarranted moral policing, they keep candle lit vigils for a slain hero, they protest when the government is going soft on terrorism. I want to be a part of this India, the non-accepting demanding India where no one can say “Chalta Hai” any more.

I am joining FIGHTBACK, dedicated to fighting gender violence. Read their hard hitting article on Rape here:
http://fightbackindia.blogspot.com/2009/04/have-you-been-raped-yet.html

They are on face book. I am signing up. What is stopping you?

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Come on India throw shoes, send chaddies, light candles, hold rallies, form human chains, speak up, blog, vote, do whatever you can, but let them never again feel “we thought they won’t complain”

Fight Back.

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to be or not to be...

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... is that really a question any more? especially when it comes to social media? I used to find it a little strange, unnerving even, may be I still do, to share my thoughts and put them up on a public platform.

So What made me over some my initial hesitation? Because to me it provides a powerful medium to reach out to like minded people without making any changes to my current life style. It's a little like travelling on trains to Mumbai and back when we were younger, everyone in the coach used to really 'travel' together, chit chat a little, share anecdotes, wisdom, opinions and food (! and boy you could not refuse what was offered), and then went their way once the train arrived at the platform... But it sure made the journey unforgettable and rich.

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So here is hoping for a great ride together.


Come walk with me, and talk awhile, One day at a time (Courtsey: Helen Auclair).